New Album on iTunes!

Special thanks to my friend Christine–the wonderfully talented HappySlip–for helping me out with this video. It was an absolute honor to be able to shoot a scene with her. I’m a big fan of her channel, and a bigger fan of her as a person!

More videos to come all summer/fall! If you want more updates, feel free to follow me on Twitter:


Knit one purl two
yeah you can see it’s all right
yeah I be smitten with mittens
knit til I yield to arthritis

you think I’m too old to take you
well I’m-a make you a believer
I’m-a take you like I go and take
my monthly Boniva

You think you’re better than Grandma
well it’s unfounded
I’d stab you with these knitting needles
but the tips are rounded

My phone is ringing off the hook
must be my ears, knowing me
Yeah, my friends are phone terrorists
yeah, they’re blowing up my rotary

Calls from Gertrude, Mildred
all my girls, I can’t stop
come on over ladies
I done TiVo’d us some Matlock

you young ladies wear big rings?
you bet it’s absurd
see all of my bling bling
is made by Medic Alert

Playing bridge with my friend Maybell
while doing laundry with Downy
got so much bridge on this table
I call it Madison County

I moved to Florida, it’s better there
and I like the weather there
check the letters, bet I get a
letter saying Medicare

oh I see them kids,
talk to all of my neighbors
orthopedic kicks?
yeah, I got all the flavors

I don’t float like a butterfly
or sting like a bee
if you ask me how I move
I would have to say “gingerly”

And I ain’t even playing, man
this ain’t no fable
gotta use a cane cuz
I’m not able

Parking with the hang tags?
aw yeah, I got em
walker with the
tennis balls on the bottom

thin skin, thick glasses
slow like molasses
doin shots of Maalox
to suppress all the gases

Talking to my grandkids
on the phone, I start to sob
I miss you more
than I miss with the Klobb

You thugs do drugs
but doing that you’d never see me
I never get high
unless you count the volume on my TV

you limp walk cuz it’s hip
yeah, you kids are looking so fine
I do it cuz it’s hip too
yeah, because I broke mine

I’m a grandma, not no vegetarian
just a regular octogenarian
my pearls is white, and so is my blouse
ya heard it right, this is grandma’s house

You thugs steal pennies?
I REMEMBER steel pennies
You wanna be schooled?
Now is as good a time as any

You punks think you’re rich
and that you’re awesome, man?
you think YOU spend dough?
I paid for the Marshall Plan

I pinch pennies with the lights
so my porch is lit dimly
never buy the products
not endorsed by Wilford Brimley

You coming to visit?
It best not be a surprise
oh, by the way
these are my testing supplies

You think you can mug a granny?
so sure you can do it, G?
I walk in you run out faster
than Social Security

Just stop and smell the roses
I may be older than Moses
oh yeah, but I’m-a fight you off
like I fight osteoporosis

you can’t handle this
part of the greatest generation
my rhymes are scandalous
like the Harding administration

Don’t want to talk it out, man
this ain’t like Parliament
just try to argue and
I’ll be on you like Polident

this is my joint, man
this isn’t duck duck goose
I smell like ointment
and drop bombs like dub dub deuce

Rollin slow paced
and I just can’t see
Florida plates
on my Grand Marquis

Am I near you?
I can’t hear you
I’m backing up and
I ain’t checking in my rear view

not good with driving or technology,
I’m not Generation Y or X–
and not a Baby Boomer,
so no sense of entitlement

I see the ladies room
and I also see the mens
which one is Grandma gonna use?

So as you can see I’m ballin
I guess that’s enough
ah, it seems I’ve fallen
and I can’t get up



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